How Does Psychology Work? - Musée d'Ordives

Choosing a professional involves different parameters Choosing a psychotherapist to confide an intimate part of oneself in order to help overcome a difficulty or resolve a problem is not an easy task. Because making this choice raises questions about the effectiveness of psychotherapy: how does it work? What leads to results? How can we see it? Why would one therapist be suitable for one person and not another? It is essential to be able to trust them, to feel comfortable with them, and, of course, to ensure they have the skills to help us best. It is already necessary to decide to take the step of making initial contact and to know how to navigate through the jungle of professionals to understand who does what and how. Psychiatrists, psychologists, psychopractitioners, psychotherapists, and other titles. Beyond the person, there is also the question of the method used and thus the type of therapy. The list is long and not exhaustive: psychoanalysis, cognitive and behavioral therapy, hypnosis, EMDR therapy… So, on what criteria do we choose the person who will take care of our concerns? And should we choose a person or a method?

Each psychotherapy has its specificities: depending on the theoretical approach it stems from, it will not have the same working method and will not use the same tools or ways of doing things. The question of the effectiveness of different types of psychotherapy has led to numerous studies that have compared the results obtained on patients according to the various methods employed. To your surprise, 85% of the success of a psychotherapy is due to factors independent of the method used or the underlying theory! And studies show that, regardless of the method employed, the success of a psychotherapy essentially relies on two things: the therapeutic alliance (that is, the relationship between the patient and their therapist) AND the patient’s motivation.

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1/ Relationship:

A good relationship involves feeling comfortable and confident with your psychotherapist, which is called the therapeutic alliance. Because it is the quality of the relationship that makes psychotherapy successful, and without it, it will be impossible to move forward. In fact, this is something we also observe in school. When asked what their favorite subject is, a child will mention the one taught by their favorite teacher. The better a student gets along with their teacher, the more likely they are to succeed. Because we learn from someone for who they are and for the relationship they have established, not for what they know. In psychotherapy, it is the same: if the connection is there, the work undertaken will be much more successful.

2/ Motivation:

I do not believe in the benefits of psychotherapy that would be imposed by a third party. If you want something to change in your life, then you must find within yourself the necessary motivation to consult, to be diligent and regular in the sessions. You do not engage in psychotherapy to “please” someone or because you feel threatened. We embark on a process because we want to or because we have reached such discomfort that we absolutely want to get out of it.

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3/ Kindness:

This is an essential concept for all care relationships, and you must ensure that your therapist possesses it. Kindness is not just niceness or “hug therapy.” Kindness is respecting the integrity of the patient. It is being able to encourage a person. It allows them to agree or disagree, to see things differently, to express their opinion, or to stop the therapy process. It gives them the full dimension of their freedom as an individual. It also allows them to make mistakes, to not succeed for the moment, to be told that it is “ok,” in the sense that they are human. As the Anglo-Saxons say through the concept of “okness”: being sad is ok, being afraid is ok, not always succeeding is also ok.

4/ Control of the process:

This may seem obvious to some, but it is fundamental to feel that you have control over what happens during the session. A therapist has no right to take control of their patient, to make them do something they do not want to, or to establish a power relationship. They are not allowed to do so; however, only you can ensure that the relationship between you and them is healthy and balanced. Listen to yourself and pay attention to your feelings. If you have doubts, this is not the right person.

5/ The choice of words:

A good therapist pays attention to the words they use. A therapist who weighs their words is someone who is already starting to take care of you because words have a significant impact on people’s lives. Beware of negative comments that, in one way or another, lead to negative behaviors. If you tell someone “not to be anxious,” or “not to stress,” there is a good chance they will do precisely the opposite. A doctor who says “be careful, this is going to hurt” will hurt you irreparably. And to all the therapists who order to let go, an injunction that can be very stressful when one cannot do it, I prefer the term “let it come” as Dr. Philippe Aim says in his book Listen, Speak: Heal. Accepting to let things come, accepting to be traversed by painful events, even accepting negative emotions is much more effective than giving oneself the order to let go.

6/ Finally, ask your therapist questions:

About their work path, training, and practice. Do not hesitate to take some time to reflect before committing to a process, or even meet other therapists to compare the feelings you may have with one or the other.

Finally, do not forget one thing. Before being a therapist, your therapist was first, and they are often the patient of someone else themselves. Because often, upstream, what led them to want to help others and find answers is their own story. And once they practice, a therapist is under constant supervision with another therapist to verbalize what they may feel themselves from what they hear, to be informed of an interrogation, and to question themselves again and again in their practice.